Here goes, for all those who have been asking.. I have told a few people this theory and so far, everyone has gone for it. It’s a way of looking at human interaction that makes sense.. A language that, if everyone spoke it, would be a way of discussing communication, relationships, problems, observations about life in general..

Energy is a real, tangible, measurable thing. It’s not a frilly idea that exists somewhere outside of the body and instantly makes the person talking about it into a hippy type fluffy..

We all have a supply of energy,that could be seen as a jar of jellybeans. Imagine your personal jar and how full or empty it is right now.

Jellybeans can and must be shared between people. If you leave them in the jar with the lid screwed on tight they will go stale. It’s important to encourage free flow of jellybeans, ideally they would be jumping from person to person at all times: think of the joy of sharing a wonderful never-ending bag of pic n mix!

Any time you come into contact with any other human, the lid of the jar automatically comes off. From that point, it’s up to you how the bean exchange goes. So bean responsibly..

Imagine this. You are with a good friend or close relative, the lid is off the jar and the beans are in free flow. As you talk and laugh, the energy passes between you both. You say something funny (bean from you to him) and your friend laughs (bean from him to you). Or, you are with your Mum. She starts to remember a story from when you were little (beans from her to you) and you join in, nodding, remembering, augmenting the story (beans from you to her). We are all beaned up. It’s amazing.

Now, it’s also possible to take beans from another person if your supply is running low. If you are upset and go to a good friend for advice, beans will pass from them to you in order to stock up your supply, while you may not give many back at this point. This WILL diminish your friends supply as it stocks you up but most people can deal with the loss – a bit like giving blood – we can all afford a pint (bean) here and there. Some people are better than others for bean giving, just because some people have a naturally fuller jar than others (more on this later)

What about stealing beans? As with everything, it is possible to take without being offered. Imagine you have had a huge argument with your boss. They call you stupid and tell you that you are useless and not up to the job. Every bean you try to add to the conversation they take and then either keeps or throw away. They offer you nothing. At the end, you feel exhausted and an emotional wreck. You don’t have the energy to get yourself together. They, meanwhile, are also feeling out of sorts; fired up and full of aggressive energy which they don’t know how to deal with. It’s an internal sugar rush of energy. They stole a huge stack of your beans and ran off with them. As soon as your backs were turned, you both screwed the lids on your jars and now you are stuck with the supply you have, until you come into contact with another person to help you back to the happy medium (in this case, you will probably go home to a friend or partner and recount the story, they will then give you some of their beans and next time you come into contact with the boss, you will try to keep the lid screwed tightly on).

These bean exchanges happen ALL THE TIME and we have to be aware of them so that we can be happy sharing beings who don’t steal other people’s beans!

We all have a different level of ‘normal’ – some people’s jars are naturally very full and they don’t need a lot from other people. Others have a low average of beans and therefore a faster threshold at which they need beaning up.

Next time you come into contact with someone, think about the beans first. Be wary with your supply and don’t throw them around. Be generous to those who need beans but notice if they are stealing from you. Often we steal the most from those closest to us. Thieving patterns work their way in and become the norm.

Think about when you first met your partner. Beans were in free flow, you could not get or give enough to satisfy how strongly you felt. You come to rely on that supply. After time, as with all relationships, it begins to become less intense, more settled. Your partner may begin to withdraw their endlessly flying supply as the energy between you calms down.

At this point, you have several options. You can pester for beans, seeking attention, trying to keep the flow as it had been before FROM THEM TO YOU (cue mind games, delays in replying to text messages so that they will text again, you win a bean, the ‘do you still love me’ conversation (answer, ‘yes of course, here, have a bean’)…)

Version 2 is where you notice and accept the shift in your bean exchange and instead of trying to get your partners beans, you give them a whole stack of yours.

Version 3 is the one where you notice the change, accept the shift, spend more time getting beans from other sources or being self sufficient.

I’m sure there are more.

Every single human interaction is accompanied by a transaction of beans.. Watch carefully and you will see them everywhere.

There are ways of generating beans for yourself without getting them from another person. Doing something you love will replenish the jar, as will going to places that find beautiful or amazing. These beans come for free. I get mine from beaches, and dancing in the kitchen to Copacabana, and sitting in the garden on summer evenings talking to my friends.

Bean me up, Scotty!